Of Course You Are

I’ve been anxious as long as I can remember. But when I was growing up, we didn’t talk about our feelings. We didn’t go to therapy. We didn’t prioritize our mental health.

So, as time went on and I went out into the world, I wasn’t in touch with my emotions. I questioned them. I avoided them. I pushed them away.

Whenever I felt nervous or worried or any other big emotion, I treated myself as though I was doing something wrong. As if I was ridiculous for the way that I felt. And I expected myself to just be able to stop.

I would scold myself. I would make myself feel ashamed. I would tell myself I wasn’t “normal.”

I would say things like I can’t believe you’re doing this. What is wrong with you? Get yourself together!

Shockingly (insert sarcasm here), this would make me feel much worse. Not only did I already feel awful but talking to myself this way would make me feel like I had no control over myself and it would send me into a panic.

Years later, when I started my personal growth journey, I recognized how cruel I was to myself. I was treating my anxiety, and many of my other feelings, as though it were some sort of flaw. Like it was a problem to be solved. Like it was not okay.

When I started to accept myself, and the way that I felt and reacted in different situations, I was able to shift the way I spoke to myself as well.

What is wrong with you became of course you are.

Of course you are anxious. This situation makes you think you have no control. Of course you are angry. You think that person was disrespectful toward you. Of course you are overwhelmed. You think you will never get everything done.

Validating my own feelings helped me have more grace and compassion toward myself instead of the self-doubt and judgement that I had before. It takes a lot of practice and it didn’t happen overnight but it feels much kinder to have my own back than to be my own worst enemy.