Why Self-Kindness Matters

When I first started working with a life coach, I was able to discover things about myself that I didn’t know before. Maybe I just realized things I never had the courage to admit. I hadn’t yet dug in or poked holes or questioned why. I didn’t stop to wonder or to get curious or to even begin to heal. And I started doing the hard work.

I started to peel back the layers. I started to notice patterns. I started to uncover deep seated beliefs and insecurities and self-doubt. Layer by layer. Uncovering truths. And possibly the hardest aspect to learn was how cruel I was to myself.

My expectations were unrealistically high. I offered very little praise or compassion. Just constant criticism, judgement and disgust. I couldn’t win. And it broke my heart.

When I heard myself tell my stories out loud of where I have been and the experiences I have had and all that I have overcome, it seemed apparent that what I needed most was to be loved and forgiven and praised. Not criticized and berated and shamed. But that is what I was doing to myself. Over and over again. For years.

It took (and still takes) continual practice and gentle reminders to treat myself kindly. To give myself grace. To pat myself on the back and recognize the little wins. Sometimes kindness can look like telling myself it’s okay to rest instead of doing all the things or that I know this is hard and I’m doing a great job or that I’m proud of myself for taking a walk instead of watching one more episode of Suits.

Once I started truly loving myself, my real healing began. And things like setting boundaries, saying no and prioritizing my own needs became that much easier. Because I value myself more than wanting to avoid disappointing others. My mental health is more important than a perfectly clean house. And I matter most.

So many of us are conditioned to be good, behave, be kind to others but is it at the expense of being kind to ourselves. Isn’t it time you give yourself the kindness you deserve?

Aloha,

Suzanne